Shit I Found on My Desktop.

MC Izreal. AKA The Schneids.




Wally the Beer Man.



The lead singer of REO Speedwagon.



Ozzy Jesus.



Kristi Yamaguchi commemorative plates.

Ulrich Jon Roth. Superbeast.

Bored at work? Wife a drag? Kids flunking pregnancy tests? How about a private guitar lesson from the lord of German engineered face shredding, Mr. Uli Jon Roth? You can thank me later.



Here's The Scorps playing the "Sails of Charon" live in 1977. It's amazing that the Berlin wall didn't just crumble in a heap after this song's release.



I've added the lyrics so you can follow along while you punch holes through the universe.

Dark night, there is no light
In the realm of the black magic man
Soul's flight into the cold blight
Of the destroyer's magic land

Poor man, whose spirits are stronger
They're the ones who will reign
You're struggles are in vain

Blind man, you're suckin' your own blood
Soon black magic's dying
You'd better start crying

Blind man, you're suckin' your own blood
Soon black magic's dying
You'd better start crying

Throw out your evil desire
The dark king's kingdom is
Made out of mire

Throw out your evil desire
The dark king's kingdom is
Made out of mire

Keep on for the kingdom of light
There is no darkness, there is no night

Seven Sisters.

The best thing about the movie The Fighter was the casting for the haggard hair-spray worshipping sisters. Over three thousand women tried out for the parts of Tar, Beaver, Little Alice, Pork, Donna, Red Dog, and Sherri.



One of them is Conan O'Brien's sister.


One of them gave Harvey Keitel a blow-job in the movie Bad Lieutenant.


One was recently arrested for burglary.


One consistently gets work in TV cop dramas.


One attended the Sorbonne in Paris.


One has a tattoo of David Spade's signature on her foot.


One challenged the casting director by getting in her face and asking "You think I'm too pretty?"



Learn more about the "sisters" in this LA Times article.

Rhyme Syndicate Fool.

I was checking out Revok's photo blog when I stumbled across these amazing images of Ice-T posing for the Dream(SMD) and Green graff mural that is featured on the back of the Rhyme Pays album, circa 1987.

Rhyme Pays defined the "gangsta rap" genre, and Dream(SMD) was literally one of the first writers in Los Angeles.

I was still collecting baseball cards when this album came out, and would cry every time Darryl Strawberry went 0 for 4.






For more old school nostalgia, check out Plexton's Flickr.

On a more somber note. Revok was recently arrested trying to flee the country. 320 grand for bail. Ouch!

High-Fi.

The Eyewriter.

This is amazing. A low-cost eye-tracking device and custom software that allows graffiti writers and artists with paralysis to draw using only their eyes.

The Eyewriter from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

Learn more about the project here. Thanks to buddy Todd for this find.

Pong for Teeth.

Two of my favorite things, pong and teeth. I also used to have squishy fantasies about Susan Sarandon as a wee beast, so including her in this fundraiser makes it all the more excellent.

Losing your chompers in an auto accident would suck. Let's help this dude enjoy eating again. Here's the PayPal account to show your support with the duckets.

Thanks to East Coast beast Matt Bottkol for this.

Thundarr The Barbarian.

Here's some pre-pubic hair nostalgia for ya. Post-apocalyptic kid's shows are the best kid's shows.

"A world of savagery, super-science, and sorcery."

Sounds like my kind of place.

Georgetown Cars V2.

The Art of Dungeons & Dragons.

I played Dungeons & Dragons briefly in elementary school and junior high. I don't think I ever really fully understood how to play the game, but I enjoyed drawing game maps and painting the tiny die-cast figurines. I also liked collecting the different dice, even if I had no clue of their purpose in actual game play.

There were older kids in my neighborhood that really got into D&D. One kid in particular had a mountain of the player manuals in his room. He also had black light posters from bands like Dio, KISS and Rainbow. When you're an aspiring beast, there is nothing cooler than the Frank Frazetta rip-off illustrations used on early metal posters and D&D player guides.

I managed to collect a few of the player guides and monster manuals throughout junior high. I shopped almost exclusively at a place called The Source on Snelling Ave in Saint Paul. It was right next to a Cheapo record store so it was pretty much the perfect place to waste an afternoon as a young hesher.

Dungeons & Dragons stopped being cool when we started playing during our after school art club. There was no way you were going to draw the attention of a girl if you were talking about Cleric and Armor Casting spells. This is where that group of kids started to trend into full-blown dark sider goth, and I was metal and Zeppelin all the way.

Take a look at the cover art and its evolution over the years. One day I imagine that this stuff will be considered period pop art, if the nerds have their way.

Sweat Up In My Creases.

It's here! "The Official-Unofficial Crowdsourced Minneapolis Jam Of Summer 2011."

The song is about perspiration building up in the folds, pits, and crotch regions of the human body. The sentiment is about coming together, creating something as a community, and behaving like a 12 year old.

A few months back I contributed some lyrics for a crowdsourced rap my good pal Paula was putting together. The crack staff working on the project just finished this hilarious video.

It all started on Facebook, where aspiring MC's would drop their rhymes. The best of the best were featured in the song.

The dude eating the jalapenos is a former student of mine, Matthew Gilman. And that's bud Craig Ferrence looking like a little known and oft-forgotten member of House of Pain.

Here are the lyrics in their entirety with my contribution in bold:

“Sweat Up In My Creases”

—Goin’ 40 in my VDub speed limit 20

Starbuck caramel latte straight up venti

tick-tock goes the clock cop’s got my block on lock

and I’m pittin’ out in my Passat

—Feel my back start stickin’ to the seat

can’t help myself from movin’ to the beat

the more I move, the more I excrete

pits soaked, wet socks on feet

—I got sweat up in my creases

rockin’ bling with all them fleeces

—Children ask me, “Are you workin’ up some hits?”

nope…just comin’ back from a shvitz

you can pay for school but you can’t buy class

you can pay for central air but you still have swass

—I keep peeling off my chair where da back of my knees is

smellin’ like I popped the top off of a Cheez Whiz

cuz I got sweat up in my creases

gangsta lawyer jargon hope the heat “desists and ceases”

—Feel my back start stickin’ to the seat

can’t help myself from movin’ to the beat

the more I move the more I excrete

pits soaked, wet socks on feet

—Got sweat up in my creases

got my kulauts from Maurice’s, yeah

sweet spiral perm from Regis

got sweat up in my creases

—Drip drip drippin’

run run runnin’

down my back

collectin’ in the seat of my underpants

—Fools (ow!) you all wack

I say pleeease, cuz my mama taught me good

but I’m sleeze

cuz my papa was a roller

—Shoppin’ all day, should of wiped better

walkin’ all squishy, t.p.’s vendetta

Summer’s Eve ain’t helpin’ with my bodily releases

Is that a dead hooker I smell…or does your crack carry feces?

—Movin’ on up to George and Weezie’s

Olivia Newton John’s as sweet as Georgia peachies

“She’s like the wind” but I got warmer breezies

Tiger Wood’s inventin’ new S-T-D-sies

—Feel my back start stickin’ to the seat

can’t help myself from movin’ to the beat

the more I move, the more I excrete

pits soaked, wet socks on feet

—I got sweat up in my creases (got sweat up in his creases)

I’m so ill I got diseases, yeah

Bitches please, it never ceases (bitches please)

I got sweat up in my creases

—Got sweat up in my creases

10,000 words on “Being Fly” for my Masta’s Thesis

Got sweat up in my creases

Bringin’ you back with my psychokinesis

Got sweat up in my creases

If it gets any hotter I’ll need an ass prosthesis

Got sweat up in my creases

Right now…America needs this.

(a drip to the drop you don’t stop…so sticky icky)

Here is the entire list of credits for the song and video. Well done people.

Countdown to Extinction.

And this my friends is how the human race will meet its final demise. Might as well arm these little fuckers with AK47's and Anthrax. Thanks for the warning, Whipps.

Shit I Found on my Phone.

I've seen this figure popping up all over Seattle. This particular shot was found under a walking bridge next to Lake Washington.



'Nuff said. "Tough Guy" is a brand I trust. They build the shit out of utility boxes.



I saw this tiny dude outside on the Sony Studios lot. I kept my distance. He looked surly, overworked, and under represented by Hollywood standards. A dangerous combination. Perhaps even deadly.



The menu at Oki Dog, the most disgusting restaurant I've ever eaten at. Not only were there geriatric Aryan Brotherhood guys lounging around, but the building itself was seemingly held together by chicken wire and cockroach carcasses. How was the Oki Dog you ask? As good as a tortilla filled with two hot dogs, pastrami, and chili cheese could possibly be.



Translation: "Do not rest your balls here."



Here's Mr. Todd getting a rabies shot after getting bum-rushed by a Sony Studios raccoon. This really happened, and Mr. Todd has been a wild-eyed feral beast ever since. Those fancy pressed button-up shirts? Ripped to shreds now.



Willie and Gloria have been making Santa Monica beautiful for over 50 years. They threw in the towel when the yoga pant fashion staple took full effect.



Yep. A good, iconic sign is the best first impression for any successful business. Kudos to these guys for figuring that out.

The Making of "I'm Not in Love" by 10cc.

Astroglide your earholes and get ready to be boned by the sonic architecture of 10cc. This "making of" mash-up is a google image cocktail of pure, unintentional comedy.

Thanks to Corky DeVault for this find. Well done, duder.

The Creature Show.

Travis Louie created these Victorian tinged illustrations that feature people and their well-behaved beast pets. He calls the collection "The Creature Show." Props to my pal Max for alerting me to this find.






The stuff is currently on exhibition at the Roq La Rue gallery in Seattle.

500 Posters.

AESTHETIC APPARATUS: 500 Posters from Aesthetic Apparatus on Vimeo.

Our friends at Aesthetic Apparatus have made 500 posters. Here they are, each and every one.

Six Word Story.

Dan Swenson and I made a six word story. It's about guys that like hot dogs. Really far off the reservation for me, I know.

Check out Six Word Story Everyday to see all the entries.

Hey Guy.

Guy Fieri (Guy Ramsey Ferry) is staying at my hotel in Santa Monica. He's driving a brand new Corvette and wearing shirts with a shit ton of applique and embroidery. Lots of flames and chrome on that dude. And dangly things. I've never seen a dude with so many accessories hanging off his pear shaped torso. He looks like a Harley-Davidson gift shop Christmas tree.

While digging around on the magical internet I stumbled across these awesome childhood photos of the infamous fryer grease gastro-goober. Thanks You Just Made My List! for the find.

Story Tellerz.

Be a solid individual and donate to my pal Marvin Crushler's film project. Movie magic ain't cheap.

To create this film it will be necessary as in past projects to draw my ass off and to purchase a computer willing and able to process high definition images, a suitable camera will also be neccessary to take such images. The general mission is to acquire enough quality pixels for the big screen in order to show the film at the North East side cinema where my father was married. The process is very involved, I usually produce up to 1000 drawings on standard A4 copy paper in order to have 5 minutes of animation. These single frames are very precious and elaborate, like a single moment caught on paper, these original frames will be offered as a prize and I won't send the ones that just say "the end" or a door closing. I want to make a product that is really involved in an artistic and personal dialouge about fathers, sons and the stories we tell to keep us closer. Hopefully all the drawings will reflect this intent and in making the film we will get even closer to the perfect and sublime expression of passionate conversation between friends, family, mediums and line.

Over the Top!

I took a little trip over to Amoeba records yesterday with my good pal The Schneids. Sitting passenger in a car driven Schneider is an excruciating experience. He never tops 40 MPH, slows down a green lights, and he refuses to make a right turn on a red even when there is no traffic in sight. I had to take the wheel to "parallel" park, and there was nothing but 50 feet of naked curb in front of us. Despite the car ride, the trip was well worth it because I stumbled across this awesome Cozy Powell album. Greatest album cover of all time? Yes, yes I think it is.

Off The Charts: The Song-Poem Story.

Sometimes those that seek fame and fortune find their calling in the back pages of a High Times magazine, or a dog-eared TV Guide.

The ads play to the sensibility of the artist with aspirations for the stage. Ordinary folks that fall for a come-on, hook, line, and sinker.

"Seeking songwriters and poets with a passion for words and a willingness to make hit records and cash HUGE royalty checks!"

Off The Charts: The Song Poem Story explores the strange subculture of the song-poem industry. Pure, unbridled Gothic Americana with an extra dose of bizarre. Watch the entire film here.

5 superbeast stars.

Crack. Goodnight.

A true Superbeast knows that you should always be humble and carry yourself with a sense of humility. The repercussions for acting like a complete and total ass will inevitably come back to haunt you. This dude's entrance speaks volumes about his exit.

Props to our friends at Lords of Apathy for this one.

Georgetown Cars.

There are some great cars in my neighborhood in Seattle. I've been keeping a little photo journal of some of them.