Ike Turner: Dick or Rock Legend?

Ike Turner was known mostly as an asshole. He allegedly abused his wife, did a lot of cocaine and was generally a dick. He did, however, write and play on what's widely considered the first rock and roll song, Rocket 88 by Jackie Brenston and His Delta Cats. Ike was an incredibly gifted songwriter and musician. Perhaps him being a dick overshadowed his ability, but I mean...I also love Gary Busey and Flava Flav.

So in Ike's honor, how about a couple stories...

In the mid 70's, Ike was looking for a new, custom designed mixing console for his home studio. He called up a place in Los Angeles that had made 10 or 15 really good, really pristine boards and asked them to stop by his house.

They show up and he explains what he wants. The engineers are some of the best around, most coming from other console manufacturing facilities like Neve and Altec. They take down his specifications and head back to the shop. The owner of the company puts all other projects on hold and puts everyone onto this board. He wants it to be the best console ever made. He also figures that if he makes a sweet custom board for Ike, than other other people would want to special order boards for themselves as well.

So, many months go by and the board, after about 10 months, is finally done. They deliver it and set it up in Ike's living room. It is complete with the following; 48 channels of the best sounding eq section this side of API-ville. 48 insanely quiet pre's, a spring loaded three foot long by one foot wide mirror that pops out from the front of the console with a button push. a telephone that utilized the "black box" tones to allow for free calling from the phone (several of the engineers had previously worked for Ma Bell), a lever controlled "lazy susan" located directly under the center mix position that would turn to reveal a handgun facing in to the board so you could pull the lever, spin around and shoot someone who was attacking, and a built in home surveillance system complete with monitors and remote locks, and an early VCR/dubbing box that would record things that went on either on the surveillance system or on TV.

Ike, of course, wanted to have a party to celebrate the triumphant completion of this project. So, he invited every single member of the company (eight people) to his house to have a coked up good time. He also made sure there were plenty of women there to satisfy the needs of those who came.

So the party began and Ike began paying the women to just get down with the dudes wherever. The pool, the couch, on the board...wherever. Ike, meanwhile, was recording all of this.

A few weeks passed and the CEO of the company has been wondering why Ike wasn't responding to his phone calls and not paying anything on the invoice. He gets a package in the mail from Ike. It's the surveillance tape that shows him having cocaine-fueled orgy with several strumpets at Ike's celebration party. A note included explains that Ike will not pay for board. If he receives another invoice, he will immediately send a copy of this tape to the wife of the owner, plus all the other employees who were at the party.

The company shuts down.

Meanwhile, AT&T starts to wonder why Ike no longer has a phone. In those days, stealing phone lines was a big deal and Ike usually had a tremendous phone bill. They discovered by calling him that Ike's phone number still worked, just that his phone line didn't register any ingoing or outgoing phone calls. In those days, phone fraud was a crime that was in violation of the Interstate Commerce Clause, making it a Federal Offense with a guilty verdict possibly meaning several years of prison time. They staked out the house and waited for Ike to leave. They sent some kid to the door who claimed his tire blew out and he needed to use the phone, one of his house servants brought him to the board. The rat used the phone to call the AT&T office, then snapped a picture of the board and ran.

Ike returned home a few days later and found out from the servant that someone had come over, used the phone, and taken a picture. Ike hit the redial button and found it called the AT&T office. He ran to the garage, picks up several gallons of gasoline, and torches the board, just as the FBI and AT&T investigators pull up.

The evidence was gone. Moral of the story? Ike turner was a badass.

He was a dick and he was a rock legend. Hopefully his latest album with The Black Keys and Danger Mouse comes out someday.