Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Out on my ass: As seen on tv.

Being out on your ass has its benefits. Namely, the part about not having to get up early. I'm a night owl, I always have been. Some of my greatest creative endeavors have come at 2 in the morning. I often clean my house after midnight. I don't know why.

Another thing that happens in the wee hours is a constant stream of informercials. Extended advertisements where an F-level celebrity pimps some product that is bound to find an eternal resting place in your cupboard or alleyway.

I've found myself fascinated by the hosts of these late night programs.

Take Tony Little for example. This guy overcame the odds of a debilitating car crash to become the most annoying person on the fucking planet. Now he sells an exercise machine called the Gazelle.

Or what about these little money grubbers? John and Greg Rice are the tiniest informercial duo on TV. They shake down viewers with their Cash Flow Generator workshop. It's all about making money in real estate and posing in front of Italian sports cars for these two shrimps.

My personal favorite informercial is the Sounds of the 70's, where the douche that used to front the lame band REO Speedwagon talks about power ballads and playing with the greats like....Foreigner. This one is special because it has live footage of all the bands, and it's like an hour and a half long. Some of my favorite performances come from this pair of troubadours. Air Supply.

1 comment:

Glenn said...

I once waited on Tony Little when I was a server at a Tony Roma's in Savannah GA. 3 things:
1. The dude is short. Just over 5 feet.
2. He has a hot wife and a couple of cute kids (but he didn't seem that nice to them really).
3. He eats. A lot. He had a full rack of ribs, 4 side items then ate half of his wife's whole chicken. There might have been dessert. Shockingly, he had a diet coke. Amazing. I guess it takes a lot to fuel awesomeness.