Sunday, February 8, 2009

Fat & Depressed Worldwide®. We care about your brand...*burp*.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and we here at Fat & Depressed Worldwide® are hardly immune to the challenges facing people all over the world because of the current economic climate. As idea generators, we're facing this turmoil head on with a 4-point strategy aimed directly at the frank and beans of this crisis.

1. Jack's Pizza. You can buy six of these bastards for 10 American dollars (sorry Ryan). For some reason, Jack's is by far the best frozen pizza currently on the market. It could be that they're made with real cheese, or it could be that every pizza contains some otherworldy contaminants that will surely kill me later. Whatever the case may be, this is a smart buy. A smart delicious buy.

2. Pizza Rolls. Is it just me, or does it seem like the bags for Pizza Rolls are getting bigger and bigger? I'm not complaining. There are currently more remnants of Pizza Rolls in my colon than any other post-edible food. They're like my daily vitamins.

3. Bathrobes. Wasting daylight has become a full-time job for Fat & Depressed Worldwide®, and frankly, there's nothing as comfortable on your bare ass than 100% terry cloth.

4. Crying. Tears help wash away the shame caused by excessive masturbation.

Utilizing this strategy daily will help you and yours navigate the dark cloud of despair that we call life.

Goodbye cruel world,
Kublai Khan, Chief Gay Pitbull.

Fat & Depressed Worldwide® is an independent entity owned and operated by the Bonercom® Holding Company.


conn said...

Are you guys hiring?

Casey Brewer said...

You know it.

jane said...

hot snacks are so in!