Monday, February 2, 2009

Fat & Depressed Worldwide®




Fat & Depressed®.

Due to the current recession, I've created my own agency.

We're a full service traditional advertising solution. We work in our underwear, and eat lunch in bed. We care about your brand. We believe in a strong strategic foundation, one that includes wasabi and soy flavored almonds and afternoon beers. We don't bathe for days. "We", consists of me and my gay pit bull. We like hot dogs, tacos and banh mi sandwiches. We also like leftover meatball sandwiches. Sometimes we drive downtown forgetting that we don't work there anymore. We look forward to visits by the crackhead who shovels the walk and...the mailman. Our clients include Superbeast, Buddies and Hot Dogs, Facebook, Blogfoot, Salon, fffound.com, and a few select adult websites. These are all pro-bono clients. We don't currently have any clients that actually pay us. We're a holistic entity. Housed in one open creative environment (mattress). We've suffered from burnt tongues from blistering hot Pizza Rolls. We use SPF 30 on our legs to prevent Laptop exposure. Our eyes are getting bad. We don't answer our phone, because we stopped paying bills. We're too proud for unemployment, but not too proud for two-for-ones. We use cross-platform media executions to deliver obnoxious catch phrases. Phrases like "BOING!", and "Hey Buddies!!!". We talk about boners far more than is considered socially acceptable. We're no longer invited to happy hours by former coworkers. We're that boring. We talk about things like "fused marketing" and "core disciplines". These are codewords for "I'm sweepy" and "I'm hungy". We're like two giant, fat babies. One of us has a mustache. We're ready to take you and your brand into the future.

7 comments:

First Lady of Mt.Holly said...

i seriously can't stop laughing!!!!! can i be your office manager?

Karen McKinley said...

I laughed out loud after I read, "we care about your brand." The picture is fabulous.

Can I work there? I'm fat and depressed too.

Casey Brewer said...

Yeah! The dress code is Business Underwear.

R. Falch said...

What is your benefits package like?

Nichol Hanson said...

Do you update your identity every 140 days or anything?

Casey Brewer said...

If by "identity" you mean underwear, then yes.

Colahan said...

Do you update your identity every 140 days or anything?