Get Loko.

Getting Loko

With the demise of the popular caffeinated flavored malt beverage Sparks about a year back, something had to take it's place in the kingdom of liquified cocaine.

Acting as a mutual segway between hipster and lamestreamers alike; meet Four Loko. 23.5 ozs of flavored malt liquor at a hefty 12.0 ABV.

No longer will you be "alone" on a Friday night. The new weekend consists of you, at home, with one of four flavors of Four Loko by way of candlelight just as it's Spanish forefathers intended for you to do. In fact, rumor has it if you consume two Four Lokos and scream "I'm LoKo!" in the mirror 8 times you have a 100% chance of waking up in jail.

Four Loko got its name because it sends the person who consumed it into FOUR STAGES OF LOKONESS:



Stage 1: Tipsy (loud, might stumble, laugh)
Stage 2: Drunk (embarassing, stumbling, slight slur)
Stage 3: Wasted (attraction to true religion jeans on girls)
Stage 4: Funeral ("amigo, tu es loko")