Drank a Coors Light for the first time in about 4 years last night. So fuckin' cold. Here were some of the thoughts racing through my mind before the Hypothermia set in.
It felt like my taste buds just got eroded by a fucking glacier.
According to the cold activation on the bottle, my nuts should have turned to ice in seconds flat.
Coors is actually using this line in their spots: “This summer…beer is about to get even…COLDER.” How is that even possible?
2 Stage Cold Activation is one more stage than 1 Stage Cold Activation.
When you buy Coors at the liquor store, the clerk inquires about your "Ice Age."
Remember when we used to just put beer in the fridge? Fucking luddites.
Because of homeostasis and thermoregulation, the scientists at Coors have found a way to prevent you from freezing while drinking their shitty beer.
Serious Coors drinkers often suffer from Trenchfoot.
After a case of Coors, the body tends to dangle vicariously around the "Paradoxical Undressing" and "Terminal Burrowing" phases of Hypothermia.
Why hasn't Coors been approached to solve global warming? "Let's just make everything super fuckin' cold." Done.
Coors should update their tag. "Cold as the Rockies" just isn't cold enough anymore. How about "Cold as Planet Hoth?"
When you pound about 30 'er 40 Coors, you're not just Tapping the Rockies. You're freezing the fuck out of your entire molecular make-up.
Coors is the beer of choice of the Wooly Mammoth and Wampa.
4 comments:
Coors Light in my humble opinion is the best of shit beers. As hipster as PBR, Rain-dog, and Oly is..... they taste like ass. Crrrrs e'ry day sonnnn! CRRRRRRS!
The thing is, it doesn't really "taste." It's that fucking cold.
I just wanna know what magic the silver bullet train has that allows it to identify only those of legal drinking age as it passes them a cold frosty one. I want to see an ad where a baby ends up with a beer...plus, are there no casualties from a train barreling thru a stadium wall??
coors light. step-mom approved across the land.
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