Saturday, January 28, 2012

Lies About Canada.

Guy Fieri is the king of Canada. They honor his portly bust and peroxide blonde locks every where you look. Embroidered dragons and man jewelry are insanely popular as a result. Lord Fieri's presence is omnipotent. People lick their fingers clean of animal fat every time his name is mentioned.

The Montreal Candiens (or Habs) allow fans to watch their practices for free every morning. They serve beer at 9 am. The slack-jawed hosers get completely toasted. I was here to shoot hockey star P.K. Subban. The only black person in Canada plays hockey. It's an upside down bizarro world.

Fancy Shepherd's Pie is the only thing Canada people eat. They also say bon jour all the fucking time. It's nice.

There are a lot of shitty French beers served on Canuck soil. They cost a lot and taste strikingly similar to 'Merican piss beer. The pint glasses make them look delicious though.

This font is a kissing cousin to comic sans. It's also the national type face used for everything in Canada. It makes Canada seem a lot more fun that it actually is. 


-------------------- said...

I hate you.

Casey Brewer said...

I love that you tried to hide your identity when you're the only Canada person I know.