Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Bomber.

Our intern here at EVB fancies himself a learned music aficionado. A real Phil Spector. A young Prince Paul. A regular John Peel of sorts. He takes control of the SONOS office music player with reckless abandon, like a captain steering a wayward vessel to safety. The only problem? If it's not some shitty Euro house music abomination, it's a bona fide ad-nerd indy band abortion like Passion Pit. You know, one of those bands that was destined to be featured in a bowel-rattling car commercial. One of those where a car is driving through a tunnel at night. With lights shining on it. In the rain. Yeah, one of those.

Most of the time this sends me spiraling into a apoplectic rage, cursing the young intern until he trembles behind his make-shift work area i.e. Facebook updating station. I tried to reason with him at first "C'mon dude, this is the worst music I've ever heard in my life." Other times I would HULK through three separate dry-walls to deliver a declarative reprimand regarding the assault on my archival ears. I tried begging. Dropping to my knees to plead with the young tone-def tune smuggler. No dice.

When all that stopped working, I knew I had to break out the big guns.

The kid was naive enough to teach me how to log in to the SONOS player all by myself, thus giving me omnipotent power over the office speakers. This is the first crushing blow I delivered today:

Don't fuck with me, P-10. You've been put on notice.


P-10 said...

The only thing I have to say in my defense is that Led Zeppelin is not on Spotify and whenever I try to play classic cuts like Etta James, Chaka Khan, Al Green, Graham Nash, David Ruffin, etc I get vetoed by The Prez and CEO after which they put on Foo Fighters or RHCP... *Cringe*

After four long months of wading through the waters of ad agency office playlists it has proven to me that

A.) Ppl like to stick to the same ole every day and like to play it "safe" and

B.) that "safe" constitutes indie/hipster/wayfarer/shoegaze/bullshit rock like Passion Shit, Starhumperz, Rat-on-ma-tat,and various other bands that allow me to alter their names in such ridiculous fashion...

I rest my case - I am merely a slave to the system of appealing to my tone deaf generation. But you can bet I'm blasting some "Crazy Train" on the way home rocking out on my air guitar for the solo all over the muni bus not giving a FUCK.

Truly honored to be "featured" in one of the funniest blogs on the int3rw3bz, sincerely,

P-10 (or "P-Tizzle" as commonly referred to by the granola pounding Superbeast.)

Casey Brewer said...

Don't make me come over there, P-Tizzle.

P-Terrified said...