Thursday, June 14, 2012

Let's Pizza, Shit Heads.


Pizza vending machines are finally on the way to the United States. It's a great day for America when I know there's a freshly baked 'za cooking right next to my cubicle. Might just take my razor scooter over there and shovel the hot, molten cheese on dough mush pile into my gaping maw. Nice little lunch break.

This shit is the future. Of course the Dutch thought of it. Who else but the perma-baked would come up with this kind of genius? From the article:

First of all, it should be pointed out that the machines don’t just spit out premade pizzas. Instead, the process begins with the client paying, then selecting one of four types of pizza available at any one time. The machine then mixes flour and water, kneads that mixture into dough, rolls the dough out into a 27-centimeter (10.5-inch)-wide crust, adds toppings, cooks the pie in its infrared oven, then dispenses it in a take-away box. The whole process takes under three minutes.

 Holy fuck! These pies are regular gourmet, artisan masterpieces.

The company is very big on emphasizing that the pies are made “in a human-free environment” – so if you pictured an actual person making the pizzas inside each machine, well, there isn’t one. 

As opposed to the "miniature human slave dwarf" that sits inside an infrared oven baking all day? Again, the Dutch are so stoned.

Here's the face I made after reading the article.


The innovative pizza machine at work. Complete with babe.


 "...And in less than 3 minutes, a healthy, genuine Italian pizza is served. With a guarantee of total hygiene."


Tammy Dahlke said...

thanks for the visual of a midget inside the machine with an italian mustache, chef hat, and apron sitting there making pizzas!

Matt Jurewicz said...

Let's eColi!

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