Monday, December 31, 2012

Billy The Exterminator. The New Guy Fieri.

As of now, everyone on the planet is well aware of the egregious offenses that celebrity fry cook Guy Fieri has unleashed upon the palate and gastrointestinal plumbing. All across the globe this cognizant repulsion reached a "jump the shark" moment when the New York Times printed a hatchet job on his new Times Square restaurant, Guy's American

Now I'm convinced that television executives just create these monsters in some clandestine Torrance, California lab. Equipped with an arsenal of bedazzled accoutrement, spray tan solution, hair dye, bojangling man jewelry, and wash-off barbed wire tattoos, scientists churn these hyper-doofus' out at breakneck speed to meet popular demand.

Enter Billy the Exterminator. The new Guy Fieri.

Like Dog The Bounty Hunter and Honey Boo Boo before him, Billy the Exterminator is a backwoods trailer trash denizen done right. He pulled himself up from the bowels of inbreeding and derelict non-education to catch 'coons and mud wrestle with mama possums. He's a workaday hero for the unemployment check demographic. He looks like a cross between Tommy Lee and an egg sucking ferret dipped from head to toe in black garb born from a Las Vegas hotel lobby boutique. 

The A&E show Billy The Exterminator is a family affair. There's brother Ricky (who could be Dog The Bounty Hunter's younger brother), Billy's mom Donnie, his Dad Big Bill Senior, his dipshit son Bryce, and Timmy, his faithful pup. Each and every one of them is dumber than rat shit. It's a marvel that a show like this appears on a network called Arts & Entertainment.

Here's a clip of Billy and Ricky in action. Pest Control Specialists my ass. Take a good look at these two fuck wits and ask yourself who really deserves to be eradicated from the earth. 

After some cursory research of Billy and his brood of mouth breathers, I spotted an interesting news story from June of 2012. It seems Billy and his wife were busted in a shit hole Louisiana motel smoking  SYNTHETIC MARIJUANA. You cannot make it up.

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