Sunday, April 18, 2010

Your Favorite Band Sucks.

The music you listen to was created by A&R reps for use on MTV reality programming.
The musicians you listen to need to record digitally, because they can't play their instruments.
The music you listen to is the same music that advertising nerds think you'll like.
The band you like won't be around in 3 years. Because they're hacks that survive off nothing but cocaine and expensive vodka.
The indy music festival that you're spending $500 to see features a torrential downpour of shitty bands with cool hairdos.
The band you like that adopted new wave and neon is a creative urine trough with horrible taste.
The bands you like don't play guitar solos because they think that's pretentious. They don't realize that makes them pretentious.
The bands you like aren't good enough to rip a sweet solo.
The bands you like were deleted off of my Itunes to make room for good bands.
The musicians you like depend on gimmicks and elaborate video artistry. It draws attention away from actually listening to them.
The band you like is really Creed with band hair and wayfarer sunglasses in zany colors.
The music you like has done absolutely nothing for music.
The band you like is terrible. You'll accuse me of being old for stating the obvious.
The music you like makes you want to dance. 'Nuff said.
The band you like was one thousand units sold away from being considered for the closing credits of Avatar.
The band you like will win a grammy. You won't like them anymore.
The song you like was written by that predator looking dog from 4 Non Blondes.
The band you like is from Indiana, but they talk with British accents.
The music you like made you want to wear scarves.
The band you like will be a Starbucks featured artist in 6 months.
The musicians you like want to play SXSW next year.
The band you like posed for promotional pictures.
The band you like sang "Hey Jealousy" at their high school talent show.
The musicians you like are considered "rip-offs" of other terrible musicians.
The band you like will be the topic of your twitter feed for exactly one week.
The music you like has been in 3 separate Scion commercials.
The band you like is played in your spin class.
The musicians you like are approachable. And white.
The band you like is a "little bit punk, a little bit electro." The Osmonds were a "little bit country, a little bit rock and roll."
The band you like is so unoriginal they'll sing "Im on a Boat" at their next concert. You'll go apeshit.
The music you like is also enjoyed by 50 year old men going through an early mid-life crisis.
The band you like is so hip that you talk about them loudly when you're trying to impress somebody.
The music you like will be proselytized on your Facebook status.
The musicians you like drop the names of obscure classic soul artists as inspiration.
The musician you like re-envisioned his background story to include hardship, alcoholism and drug addiction.
The band you like aspires to be on the soundtrack to a Wes Anderson film.
The band you like won't read this, because "nobody reads blogs anymore."


Scott said...

Nah Dude. I like Merzbow.

Scott Dixon said...

Nah Dude. I like Merzbow.