Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Fucked in 2010: Joaquin Phoenix.



Joaquin Phoenix

I'm embarrassed to admit that I watched the mockumentary I'm Still Here. I'm embarrassed because it occurred to me that by watching this film, I am encouraging the narcissistic behavior of a monumental tool bag and irrelevant actor, Joaquin Phoenix. While I always figured his hirsute schizophrenic act a ruse, I was unaware at just how he failed at accomplishing said ruse. Within weeks of transforming into a mumbling modern day Dennis Wilson, people were calling foul on the bit. Shit, TMZ was all over it.

The fact of the matter is that Joaquin Phoenix isn't a good actor. A fact that must have eluded him when he conjured up his own fall from grace fantasy. A fact that reared its ugly head (not a hairlip joke) for every one to see when he couldn't play the part of himself "in the pit of despair." You have to be the type of leading man that sniffs your own soiled toilet paper to actually believe that people will care that much about you getting fat, rapping miserably and doing elicit drugs with prostitutes.

Was he really that good in Walk the Line? I'm a huge Johnny Cash fan, but it ain't like you need vocal lessons to sing what every sunday drunk can belt out at the local dive bar. What else has he been in that deserves praise? Gladiator? Are you fucking kidding me?

So this guy essentially wasted a couple years of his life playing a part, and playing it poorly. He wasted our time by continuing a farce after a year-long blown cover. His twat friends like Casey Affleck that were in on the joke from the get-go wasted their money thinking that said farce was important. Fuck you Joaquin Phoenix. Go away.

On a side note, dude is actually a better MC than half the rappers in Anticon.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually people cared of him, if even you, not exactly one of his "fans", watched the mockumentary.
You say that this guy can't act when most of critics AROUND THE WORLD (I live in Italy so i know what i'm talking about) thought that the film was ENTIRELY REAL...
you are MAD!
On Time Out New York he was defined as "the new Marlon Brando".
And if you think that he can't act please watch "two lovers".

Casey Brewer said...

Anybody who thought the mockumentary was real after the cat was let out of the bag during the beginning stages of production is nothing more than a fan boy.

Joaquin Phoenix couldn't hold Marlon Brando's jock.

Ant Gert said...

Actually, i believe him to be an actual drug addict, and that's fine. Whatever. Who isn't?
I haven't seen the mockumentary, but my take had always been that since he was in too deep with what was probably a heroin addiction, he needed a way to make that work for him and become part of his appeal. I'd do the same thing if I'd single handedly ruined Gladiator, which would've been awesome if not for him. I mean, what was that, a British accent? Why? Not only could I do a better accent with my butthole, it was completely unnecessary and pretentious. It took place in Rome for fuck's sake. Not a Brit to be found. Why?
I too hate Joaqine Phoenix. He clearly had d-bag parents too. Joaqine? Gimme a break.

Casey Brewer said...

Isn't he too fat to have a heroin addiction?

chris liakos said...

I like to think of that last line as a direct shot at Falch.

Vickiyklg said...

I like to think of that last line as a direct shot at Falch.