Undulating Christmas Boner.

Let me paint a little picture.

Here I am on Christmas Day, hunkering down after a long day of stuffing my face with Jing Jang squid and BBQ pork. I turn on the TV and flip through the channels. Ah, Return of the Jedi is on. It's my least favorite of the original trilogy, but I'm still digesting my lunch, and I like the Sarlacc Pit scene.

I pour myself a glass of ice water to counteract the fistfuls of sodium I've put into my body by way of chopsticks. I get comfortable on the couch. Ok, this is pretty nice. Merry Christmas to me.

Then all of a sudden there's a fucking dildo ad on TV.

On Christmas.

At 4:30 pm.

During a fucking kid's movie.

I'm no prude, but terrible advertising for a device that women use to shake their sugar walls on regular TV is a little odd to me. What the fuck kind of media buy is that?

"Hmm, let's see. Kids love Star Wars. Kids love Christmas. What better time to put our shitty vibrating fake boner ad on TV!"

George Lucas and Jesus are super pissed right now.



(After a little research, I found the Trojan "Triphoria" ad on youtube. It's certainly not as risque as I first thought, but it's still horrible. Something tells me Jared from Subway had a hand in this. Or maybe the fucks that do the 5 Hour Energy ads.)

The spot segued into the Ewok village grabbass scene. Well done marketers. Use the cuddly stuffed animal pygmy tribesman dudes to sell your dildos. Nice.