For the same reason I don't have tattoos

Because I'll look back and think, "Wow, that was a bad idea." This kid's 19 and still not out of the woods for getting wedgies or the general shit kicked out of him, no matter how many Elton John superpowers he may or may not have...

Teenager changes name to Captain Fantastic

A teenager has changed his name to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.



The record-breaking name, now thought to be the world's longest, was the idea of music graduate George Garratt, 19.

He changed his name by deed poll online for £10 last week.

Captain Fantastic said: "I wanted to be unique.

"I decided upon a theme of superheroes."

The teenager, from Glastonbury, Somerset, added that while he thought the new name was "crazy", his grandmother was no longer speaking to him.
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And you know what? Batman, Hulk, Spiderman and Wolverine don't even have fast superpowers. Dumbass.