Monday, July 16, 2012

Suck it Down. The End is Near.

Is it weird that something so wholesome, and innocent as the mashed potato will signal the end of times as we know it? Thanks to the innovative thinkers at 7-11, the international carbo-loading corner bodega hiding behind the thinly veiled guise of a gas station, the end is indeed near.

It seems the geniuses behind The Slurpee have just dropped the microphone on what appears to be a fully functional mashed potato and chicken gravy dispensary. Just park your bucket and press the button, as the warm mash potato mush comes to a frothy head. Fuck if you're gonna eat that starch pail without some gravy, this is AMERICA! Move your potato pile over and prepare to be embalmed in delicious chicken gravy, all out of the same evil/genius device. For just $2 you can get your tub of pseudo potato product AND a huge Big Gulp soda, so it's easy on the pocket book too.

No reconstituted turkey tube to squeeze on the side? Bullshit. Don't get it twisted, 7-11 has issued a simple carbohydrate holy war with the obese for this gratuitous omission. Something tells me they'll get a few of these responses:

"I ain't never ate shit fer mashed 'taters without a damn turkey drumstick. 7-11 is goddamned Socialist."

Thanks to Gizmodo for this find.

1 comment:

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