Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Guy Fieri: The Shit Bag Gravitational Pull Theory.

In just the last year I've posted pictures of Guy Fieri hanging out with the likes moribund bottom feeders Vanilla Ice and Sammy Hagar. Now my friends, he's outdone himself.

Here's the human pizza roll touching cheese curds with none other than Nikki Six, the bassist for the world's shittiest washed up shitty rock band, Motley Crue. Considering the carbo grease loaves Guy inhales on a minute-by-minute basis, the "flies to shit" analogy works pretty well here. The terminal decline of the D-listers he tends to orbit around is awe-inspiring.

I'm sure this is just a promo shot for Guy's new line of tangy thai fusion BBQ sauce abomination that scares the living hell out of me every time I see the point of sale advertising at the local grocery, but the image speaks volumes. It says "I'm hangin' with a kewl rocker. He's flippin' the bird to the camera! Can you believe that? So kewl." Both of them festooned with man jewelry. Each donning their signature stroke face. Sometimes I hate America.

These doomsday chance meetings depict the ultimate fate of the universe. The End of Times. Until this human skin-sack of saturated fat decomposes into the earth once for all, we're forced to live with the consequences. Find solace that you do not live anywhere near Flavor Town.

1 comment:

a man said...

Sammy Hagar's recent autobiography is great. I swear.
And Nikki Sixx, while currently horrible, was the main brains behind Crue.
That book sux tho.

I have no defense of Guy Fieri.